The AWESOME Adventures of Kirsty & Co. - Wizard of Oz Edition

It was a great day in Kansas. There was some mumbo-jumbo about a tornado coming, but Kirsty ignored this and decided to go looking for her turtle – Toto. Right as she was riding her tricycle home, the forewarned tornado hit. Kirsty struggled with her tricycle, and tried to make it home. She got up the drive-way, and was almost in the house, but something suddenly flew out of the sky and hit her in the head causing her to black out.

A bit later…

Kirsty groaned and sat up, rubbing her sore head. Then she looked around and saw that her mansion was surrounded by a completely different setting. I’m talking green grass (well she had that, but this grass was definitely greener), brighter flowers, little midget people and a yellow brick road… Kirsty looked around trying to figure out where she was and saw two feet sticking out from underneath her mansion. And on those feet were two sparkling shoes.

“Oh. My. Gosh,” said a midget. Kirsty turned around and saw a teeny tiny girl talking to her. “You killed her. You killed the witch! Up top!!!” the midget held her hand up high. Kirsty reached down and high-fived the midget.

“Thanks,” said Kirsty. “But shouldn’t we be calling the emergency services? Who are you? What’s wrong with you? You’re… You’re inhumane!”

“Well, being a Munchkin, you’re quite right… I’m not humane. So, good job. My name’s Anna Banana and we’re not calling the emergency services because…well, I doubt they could hear us from here!” Immediately all the other Munchkins cracked up laughing. Anna Banana wiped tears of laughter from her eyes and continued, “No, but seriously, this chic, she was called “The Wicked Witch of the East” and she was like, a major mass murderer!”

“Oh. Okay?” Kirsty said. “Look, how do I get home?”

At that moment a giant purple bubble floated out of the sky and landed in front of Kirsty with a faint pop. A beautiful lady stepped out of it.

“Look, Kirsty, I don’t have much time, I’ve got an appointment in ten and I really need to get going, so,” said the lady, “Put on the witch’s shoes.”

“What?” asked Kirsty.

“Put on the shoes!” she shouted.

Kirsty hurriedly put on the shoes, taken aback by the beautiful lady’s sudden outburst.

“Now, follow the yellow brick road and go to Emerald City.”

“But-”

“Follow the yellow brick road!”

“What? But –”

“Follow the yellow brick road!!!” the lady screeched and with another pop she vanished.

Kirsty turned around and looked at an excited Anna Banana Munchkin.

“Go on, Kirsty,” said Anna Banana. “Follow the yellow brick road. Follow it. NOW!”

Suddenly all the previously cheery Munchkins looked murderous, and the sky turned black. Not dark, not grey, black.

Timidly, Kirsty started to walk down the winding, yellow brick road. The further away from the Munchkins she got the cheerier the weather became until the sun was shining once more. As Kirsty was walking past a cornfield, a scarecrow jumped out from behind a bush.

“Ooga Booga!” it shouted waving its arms about.

Kirsty screamed and jumped back. “What the Hell?!”

“Hi,” said the scarecrow.

“Um…” said Kirsty.

“Are you going to Emerald City?” asked the Scarecrow.

Now Kirsty was a clever kid. She’d read Little Red Riding Hood enough times to know that one should never tell where they’re going in their travels.

“No,” said Kirsty.

“Excellent! Me neither, let’s go!” said the Scarecrow.

Kirsty tried to get rid of him, but nothing worked, and he was talkative too, which got annoying. He kept going on about how he wanted a brain. Kirsty wished he had a brain too.

Later on down the track, Kirsty and the Scarecrow ran into a Tin Man who decided to tag along too. The Tin Man was called Taylor, and was after two things. A heart and a name change. Taylor wanted to be known as Taylor the Tin Woman, because it was a bit more accurate.

A little while later they were travelling through a forest when all of a sudden they ran into a Lion!

“ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Whoa, whoa, calm down it’s okay!”

But the Lion continued to scream for a good ten minutes. Kirsty tried to get it to calm down. She patted it on the back. She spoke soothingly. She made a cup of tea. She meditated. She sang a lullaby. But nothing worked. Eventually, the Lion wore itself out and its throat became so sore and husky that the screaming became inaudible.

“Oh thank goodness,” said Taylor the Tin Man.

“I know, right?” said the Scarecrow.

“Look,” said Kirsty to the Lion. “We’re no going to hurt you. We’re just travellers.”

“Travellers?” sniffed the Lion, looking up. “Where? To Emerald city? I need to go there! I need to ask… I… I want to ask for more…. Courage!” the Lion started sobbing loudly. “I – I -  I don’t have any c-c-courage!”

Kirsty patted it on the back. “There, there,” she said.

“Thanks,” said the Lion. “Call me, J- Jess.”

So, Kirsty, the Scarecrow, Taylor the Tin Man and J-Jess the Lion set off again.

Meanwhile, in another part of the weird world that Kirsty had found herself in, a witch was watching her every move through a crystal ball.

“Excellent! Kirsty’s got the shoes. I wanted those shoes so badly at the Shoe Sale, but that stupid Wicked Witch of the East went ahead and took ‘em from me…But I’ll get them now…MWAHAHA!” the witch cackled and shrieked. “But how should I do it?” At that moment, the Witch’s phone started to ring. Now, the Witch had a rule. No phones when she was plotting. So, she ignored the call and continued her plotting.

“Aha!” cried the Witch. “I know what I’ll do!” She looked into the crystal ball at Kirsty &Co., “I’m going to send my monkeys after you…” the Witch paused and thought about what she’d said. She realised that her evil plan had rhymed and cackled a laugh. She loved it when her evil plans rhymed. She turned to her monkeys and instructed them on what to do. They had to fly away – these were not your ordinary monkeys, you see; they had wings – and they had to capture Kirsty & Co. and bring them back to the Witch. “Now, fly my minions! Fly!”

Back with Kirsty and her not-quite Co., they had nearly left the forest. They could see Emerald City just ahead. J-Jess the Lion, had been sure that they were going to have to go through a field, but Kirsty had taken the map off her and pointed out a path which led right to the centre of the city.

“A-a-are we th-there ye-yet?” stammered J-Jess.

“Does it look like it?” snapped the Scarecrow.

J-Jess the Lion started to tear up. “I-I-I was o-only as-as-asking!”

Kirsty groaned. She didn’t want J-Jess the Lion to start crying again.  She needed something to distract J-Jess.

At that moment a beautiful unicorn came frolicking through the forest and onto the path ahead of them.

“Aww,” crooned everyone.

“It’s so beautiful!” said J-Jess.

“I love it,” announced Taylor the Tin Man. “Or I would…If I had a heart.”

“I think it’s amazing,” said the Scarecrow. “Except I can’t think. I don’t have a brain. Let’s keep going guys.”

So Kirsty and her assorted, not-quite Co. continued their way to Emerald city. The unicorn let them go up close and pat it, and they all giggled and laughed as it wagged its tail.

J-Jess marvelled at the wagging of the tail. “I didn’t even know unicorns’ were able to wag their tails!” she exclaimed.

Suddenly, a heap of flying monkeys appeared. They started grabbing at Kirsty & her not-quite Co.

Kirsty had an idea. She picked the unicorn up (with her super-awesome strength) and threw it at the monkeys as a sacrifice. They grabbed the unicorn and flew away.

“Dude!” shouted Taylor the Tin Man. “What the hell? You don’t just offer UNICORNS as SACRIFICE! What is wrong with you?!”

“Taylor’s a vegetarian,” explained the Scarecrow.

“Ah. Well…if it’s any consolation, Taylor,” Kirsty began.

“If it’s any consolation…?” Taylor the Tin Man prompted.

Kirsty tried to think of something to say. She came up with nothing. Time to change the subject. “So, we’re, like, seven words away from Emerald City! Right?!”

“Wow!” the Scarecrow shouted as they arrived in Emerald City. “This place is huge!”

Green buildings towered above Kirsty & her not-quite Co. It was a beautiful sight.

They saw a great big building saying “Wizard of Oz” on the doors and paused.

“What’s Oz?” asked Kirsty.

“This is,” said Taylor the Tin Man.

“What?” asked Kirsty.

“We live in Oz. This whole place is called Oz.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“So this world is called Oz?”

“Yes. What else would it be called?” asked Taylor the Tin Man.

“Shall we go in?” asked the Scarecrow, interrupting them.

The four of them walked into the building, marvelling at the polished emerald floor and the green fountain.

“Even the water’s green!” shouted J-Jess the Lion, excitedly getting a green cup from the counter and filling it from a tap. She took a big slurp. “Guys, it’s green water!”
“It’s only green, because we haven’t changed the filter in a while,” said a woman, appearing from behind the counter. “Hi, I’m Banana Anna, and I hope you haven’t drunk any of that.”

“Banana Anna? Would you know an Anna Banana?” Kirsty asked.

“Yes! That’s my sister!” announced Banana Anna.

“So, you’re a Munchkin?” asked Kirsty.

“Right again!” The woman stood up, making herself even shorter by getting off the chair.

“Cool,” Kirsty said. “Well, we’re here to see the Wizard?”

“The Wizard? The Wizard? You mean, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz? But why?”

“Because, because, because―” stuttered J-Jess.

“Because of the wonderful things he does!” interrupted Taylor the Tin Man.

“So if you tell us which floor the Wizard’s on, we’ll be off,” said Kirsty with a smile.

“We’ll be off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz!” said Taylor the Tin Man.

“Right, well the Wizard’s on the fiftieth floor and…” Banana Anna tapped away on her keyboard, “The Wizard’s free right now. So off you go! Have fun! In fact, I’ll come too. I want a pay rise.” Banana Anna jumped off her chair and led the way. They raced up the stairs – the lift was out of order – and knocked on his door.

“Enter!” boomed a magnificent voice.

Kirsty & Co. and the Scarecrow pushed open the door and walked into the most magnificent, most green, most empty room they had ever seen.

“Where is he?” asked Taylor the Tin Man.

“I am here!” boomed the Wizard.

Kirsty & Co. and the Scarecrow turned around to face the Wizard.

“Oh,” said Kirsty.

“O-Oh,” said J-Jess the Lion.

“Oh,” said Taylor.

“Oh,” said the Scarecrow.

“Hi!” said Banana Anna.

The Wizard was not who they had expected.

“Anna Banana?” asked Kirsty in shock.

“Hey, Kirsty!” said the Munchkin Wizard.

“You’re the Wizard of Oz?” asked Kirsty in disbelief.

“Well, technically, I’m called the Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Wonderful. Ok?”

“Why…Why did I have to travel all the way to Emerald City to see you, when you were there when I was in Munchkin Land?!” shouted Kirsty.

“Well, I was off-duty then, wasn’t I?” said Anna Banana. “I only see clients in my office hours.”

Kirsty’s left eye began to spasm with rage. She stood there, rigid as a board, with her eye twitching.

“Look, Anna- I mean, Wonderful Wizard, sir – no ma’am!” said the Scarecrow, “I was wondering if―”

“You were wondering if you could ask me for a favour. I know. You all want to. You always want to. It’s one of the reasons I hate this job. I mean, no one ever asks me what I want. And that hurts a little bit. I mean, just because I’m a magical Munchkin doesn’t mean I have everything I want. There are some gaps magic can’t fill. Like companionship! Aging… happiness… and no matter what I do, I just can’t magic myself AWESOME!” Anna Banana rushed up to Kirsty and shook her by the shoulders. “How do you do it? How? I want to be awesome! Being magic just isn’t enough! What’s your secret?!!”

Kirsty escaped Anna Banana’s midget grasp. “I don’t know how I ended up this awesome; it’s been a speculation for my entire life. Was it a gift from the gods? Was it all just a coincidence? I don’t know! Gosh, chill!”

Anna Banana calmed down. “Okay. Okay. I’ll grant all of you your wishes. One each. And…GO!” A gun fired off and the Scarecrow rushed forward.

“I think I want a brain!” he said.

“You think? You’re thinking so you already have one, wish pre-granted, NEXT!”

Taylor the Tin Man rushed forward, “I would love a heart,” she said, “As well as a name change. As you can clearly see, I’m a Tin Woman.”

“You would love a heart. You’re feeling love already, so why are you asking me for a heart? Gosh people! And name change granted. NEXT!”

J-Jess the Lion stumbled forward. “I-I’d l-l-l-like some c-c-courage, pl-please,” she stuttered.

Anna Banana nodded. “Fair enough.” She clicked her fingers. “Granted! NEXT!”

Kirsty stepped forward, “I want to go home.”

Anna Banana’s frowned. “What? You want to go home? Why?”

“I don’t like it here.”

Anna Banana’s bottom lip trembled. “You…You don’t like Oz?” she asked, tears welling up in her eyes. “I guess…I guess I could take you home. Granted. Next,” she sighed.

Banana Anna, stepped forward, “Look, I think now may be a bad time, but can I get a pay rise? I mean…I work hard, sis, you know I do.”

“Fine,” said Anna Banana glumly. “Granted. I guess I’ll take you home now, Kirsty. I’ll sort your pay rise out after I get back, sis.”

So Anna Banana, the Wonderful Wizard, took Kirsty back to Kansas, but after that she mysteriously disappeared. She never returned to Oz, and poor Banana Anna never got her pay rise.

The End.

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